Arcadian Dream

Darkness and Light

 

 

*****

 

Sirius sat up, flinging his formerly prostrate body forwards. Bedclothes scattered. His limbs trembled. A dull pain thudded against his forehead. Tears streamed down over his face, the droplets catching on the unkempt stubble that adorned his chin and jaw, before trickling down his convulsing neck as his breath came in short, sharp gasps.

“Aarghnnngh,” Sirius exclaimed into the darkness of the room, his fearful shout fading into a whimper. Sirius began to sob loudly, his shoulders shaking and his chest heaving.

“Lumos!” whispered a voice next to him: Remus.

“Moony,” Sirius cried out, his voice reducing to a gurgle between sobs.

“Sirius!” Remus hissed urgently, his hands grasping in the dark for Sirius’ body: he found it as the two shaking, scared wizards were suddenly bathed in light.

 

Sirius’ shoulders shook fervently as Remus held him. He tried to steady his lover. “Breathe,” he whispered, “Just breathe.” Remus pulled Sirius close against his chest as he stroked his hair consolingly.

“Padfoot,” Remus said quietly, “Oh, Sirius.” Sirius looked up into Remus’ eyes. He lifted a hand to his nose, wiping the sticky strands of mucus that had begun to meet with his upper lip. Sirius sniffed loudly. He looked down at Remus’ chest: the light illuminated a glistening patch where his tears and the mucus from his nose had been inadvertently smeared across Remus’ skin and the soft hair of his bony chest. Sirius placed a flat palm against Remus’ chest, wiping the tears away.

“I’m sorry, Moony,” Sirius said quietly. He hung his head, as though in shame.

Remus shook his head. “No,” he said firmly, placing a hand on each side of Sirius’ wet, flushed face and tilting it upwards to look into his eyes, “Don’t you dare apologise; it’s not your fault.”

“I know I just…” Sirius stumbled, unable to find the words, “I just wish it would stop, you know? But this place,” Sirius gestured to his childhood bedroom at Twelve Grimmauld Place, “This place…”

Sirius gasped as Remus, smoothing Sirius’ hair and gazing intently into Sirius’ charcoal grey irises, urged him, “Breathe; just breathe.”

 

Sirius inhaled deeply, his eyes piercing Remus’ stare. “Moony,” he choked out, his throat clogged with tears and mucus, “Remus.”

Remus, tears prickling his own eyes as he watched his friend, his lover; his insides squirm and wrestle with the pain and suffering of memories past, pulled Sirius closer still. The sticky, sweaty skin of their bodies pressed almost fiercely against one another.

 

Sirius’ breathing steadied as they sat, sheets a tangled mess around their legs, hair plastered to their foreheads and the nape of their necks, their bodies pulsing with warmth: a feeling so foreign to Sirius when he was in this place. He closed his eyes and listened to Remus’ heartbeat.

“I just wish I could forget,” he whispered, his breath rolling delicately over Remus’ chest as he spoke.

“Hmm?” Remus asked, unsure if he had heard Sirius speak.

“I just wish I could forget…forget it all,” Sirius said, his grey eyes awash with desperation.

“No,” Remus said with a firmness that surprised even Sirius, “No. I cannot imagine what it must have been like, Pads, but without it, you wouldn’t be you,” Remus continued, placing his palm against Sirius’ aged and slightly sagging pectoral muscle, the place that housed his heart.

“But Moony…”

Remus, however, would not be deterred. “You wouldn’t be Sirius, whom I love, oh Merlin, whom I love so much that it hurts, more than a thousand full moon transformations, and yet who I wouldn’t trade for anything – anything – in all the world,” Remus finished, swallowing hard, determined to quash the lump that had risen in his throat.

“But, Moony…” Sirius said meekly, “Can’t I forget, just for tonight?” He gripped Remus’ forearm tightly, “Please, Remus, make me forget.” Sirius’ eyes pleaded with Remus’ own worried gaze as Sirius ran his hand down over Remus’ bare thigh, burying his fingers in beside his cock.

“Sirius,” Remus started, but he was interrupted.

 

Remus looked away, as though searching for an answer as to what he should do. He knew – he knew, he always knew, when it came to Sirius – that he could offer all of the words of comfort that his mind could conjure, but none of those things would ever diminish the pain, the sheer torture of being in this place, for Sirius. All he could do was, as Sirius said, make him forget, if only temporarily: clear his mind of thoughts, and allow Sirius to feel – just feel. And then, maybe, just maybe, Sirius would be able to sleep a peaceful sleep.

 

Remus bit his bottom lip as he pushed Sirius gently down onto the bed. Sirius’ mangy curls cascaded over the pillow, tickling the surface of his shoulders due to the downward motion. Remus licked his lips, covering them in a gloss of saliva. He pressed the wet bands of flesh to Sirius’ chest. He kissed Sirius’ skin, the taste of salt and sweat on his tongue as he flicked the tip of his tongue against Sirius’ erect nipples.

“Mmm,” Sirius breathed, his stomach rising and falling with each deep exhalation.

 

Remus pressed his hands hard to Sirius’ body, dragging them over the lines of his form, the bones and indentations of Sirius’ physical attributes gliding beneath Remus’ palms. Remus could feel the twitch of Sirius’ muscles, the movement of his breathing as he rested his hands on Sirius’ hips. Remus thrust his face against Sirius’ stomach, the tip of his nose wiggling as he inhaled, breathing in the scent – the very essence – of Sirius.

 

Remus could feel Sirius’ cock stiffening as he continued to grasp and grab at Sirius’ stomach, alternately licking and kissing and sucking at the skin, pulling it gently with his teeth. Remus could feel Sirius’ cock stiffening, as its increasing girth began to nudge insistently at Remus’ neck and chest. Sirius emitted a loud, guttural, anticipatory moan as he shifted his pelvis from side to side beneath Remus.

“Nngh!” he groaned, thrusting his hips upwards, his erection colliding with Remus’ chest.

Remus stopped, mid-lick, an expression of mock-innocence painted on his face: “Yes, Padfoot, did you want something?”

Sirius half sat-up, resting on his elbows. His tears had dried, but they had left an almost untraceable trail of sadness on Sirius’ cheeks – untraceable, of course, to anyone but Remus.

 

Sirius looked down the length of his own body to Remus’ face, half-hidden under a shock of ruffled copper hair, as he nestled his nose and lips precariously close to Sirius’ cock.

“Moony,” Sirius growled, with a certainty that had eluded him earlier in the evening, “Remus.”

Remus placed his hands gently, softly, barely on the inside of Sirius’ thighs, pushing them apart to expose Sirius’ prick: hard, thick and pulsating, and standing out and up like an obelisk. Remus positioned his face between Sirius’ legs. Remus extended his tongue, sliding it over the underside of Sirius’ cock, tracing the line of a vein that throbbed just beneath the skin. He swirled his tongue around the tip as he massaged Sirius’ balls with one hand, systematically increasing and then decreasing the pressure of his hold. Remus wet his lips and planted them on the head of Sirius’ cock, sucking ferociously on the tip before taking the rest of Sirius inside his eager, cavernous mouth. Remus swathed Sirius’ in his own saliva as he licked and sucked as Sirius’ began to thrust into Remus’ mouth. Remus grasped frantically for Sirius’ hips, trying to steady the rhythm of Sirius’ bucking. Sweat poured from Remus forehead and landed in the forest of Sirius’ pubic hair.

 

Sirius reached his hands up behind him, grabbing at the iron posts of the bed head. His fingers slipped against the cold metal, but he continued to grasp the bars firmly as he began to steady his thrusting. Sirius moaned loudly as Remus ever-so-gently dragged his teeth over the skin of his cock. Remus placed his hands firmly of Sirius’ tensing buttocks, urging his cock to plunge deeper into his mouth with each thrust. Remus could hardly breathe, and he choked as the head of Sirius’ prick tickled the back of his throat, but he didn’t care: all that mattered right now was Sirius.

Make me forget, Sirius’ pleading voice echoed through Remus’ mind. Remus loosened his grip on one buttock. He inserted his hand between the cheeks of Sirius’ arse, parting them to reveal Sirius’ arsehole. He thrust a finger inside Sirius, who moaned gratefully as he thrust his cock hard against the roof of Remus’ mouth, his come mingling with Remus’ saliva as the liquid trickled over his lips and down his chin.

 

Remus withdrew his finger, wiping it carelessly on the sheets. He sat, still between Sirius’ legs, before sliding up over Sirius’ sticky, weathered body and resting his head on Sirius’ chest. Sirius ran a hand along Remus back and neck, burying his fingers in the mess of Remus hair. Remus watched Sirius in silence: his eyelids began to falter, eventually closing. Gentle snores rumbled in Sirius’ chest, and Remus smiled. He had given Sirius what he had wanted: the relief of sleep.

“Nox,” Remus whispered, as the two became engulfed in the dim of the night. For this night, at least, Remus had managed to make Sirius forget: to bring him out of the darkness and into the light.